


Powdered

by lorcathegreat



Category: Thief (Video Games)
Genre: Pure Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 09:20:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2343293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorcathegreat/pseuds/lorcathegreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over the Thief fandom this night, but it was a thing of beauty.</p></blockquote>





	Powdered

“Hey Garrett, I have a job for you.”

The masked man crossed his arms, looking at the fence. “That isn’t news.”

Basso sighed. “You want the job or not? It’s paying quite well.” Garrett gestured for him to go on. “Well there is a formal affair, lots of hoidy toidy types.”

“I don’t do parties.”

“Will ya let me finish?” Basso did not sound as annoyed as he could have been. He was far too used to Garrett’s manner. “Like I was saying, there is a formal affair and I’ve got a client who needs something stolen from this event.”

Garrett shifted from one foot to the next, staring dubiously at the man before him. “I can just go afterwards.”

“See, that’s where the good pay comes in. The client insisted that it could only get stolen during the party. Didn’t tell me why, mind you, but nonetheless.”

“You haven’t given me details yet.”

“You haven’t accepted yet,” Basso challenged right back.

Garrett sighed, slipping around the circle of light cast by the single candle on the desk. “That’s not how this arrangement works, Basso. You know that.”

“It’s a thousand gold, Garrett.”

The thief stopped in his tracks. “Who would pay that much to get something stolen at a party? What aren’t you telling me?”

That set Basso on edge. He fidgeted with the papers at his desk, not looking Garrett in the eye. “Well, no other fence would take his job.”

Garrett was not about to let the man off that easily. Neither was he going to put himself at risk for making a hasty decision. “I know all the fences in the city. They aren’t all upstanding citizens like yourself. Why did you take it?”

Basso shrugged. “Good money and I figured you’d be able to do it, Mr. Master Thief.”

The title made Garrett’s upper lip twitch in annoyance. “Tell me the job, Basso.”

“It’s a party, you got me there. The item is a large gilded goblet, encrusted with gemstones that even sold individually would fetch a good price. No, it’s some family heirloom that got misplaced during a messy divorce or something. I don’t know those details. All I know is that it’s going to be one of the centerpieces at this party.”

“So how will I get it? I’m not exactly a member of high society.” The item had caught Garrett’s attention enough to continue listening, but he was still wary.

“That’s not my problem usually, but the client did have a suggestion.”

As Basso left that thought hanging, Garrett prodded him on. “They were telling me how to do my job?”

Basso made a strained noise. “Not really. More of a demand than anything.”

Garrett was getting closer to the key piece of information that Basso was reluctant to reveal, but pulling it out was like picking a lock with his crowbar instead of his lockpicks. “Good pay, a party, and demands? This is getting more complicated by the minute.”

“There’s a catch.” And there it was. “It’s a formal event.”

“And?”

“Now, don’t take this the wrong way, but you won’t exactly blend in wearing that.” Basso made a broad gesture to Garrett’s garb.

Garrett gauged the consequences of his next question. “What kind of formal event?”

“High society, Garrett. You know what that means.”

“Can’t say I’ve ever attended one of those events before. What was the demand?”

“You have to dress up for it.”

“In what?”

“A wig.”

“No.”

“But Garrett, it’s a thousand-”

“No.”

“Oh come on, you haven’t even seen it yet.”

“I’m not taking the job, Basso.”

Garrett began making his way towards the door, stopped only by Basso’s frantic backtracking. “No, wait, wait. I’m sure we can figure something else out.”

“I’m not wearing the wig.” Upon that Garrett was adamant.

“Sure, sure. Now get back over here so I can show you where this is going to be. We can work out the details later.”

Garrett sighed and stepped opposite his fence, both men focusing on the maps spread out there. “Now, it’s in a manor in Auldale. This one here,” Basso pointed to a specific building on the map. I should have the floor plan somewhere around here…” Basso shuffled around in his desk as Garrett poured over the map, looking at the specific route he would take from the Crippled Burrick up to the apartment.

That was when his hood was shoved back and something smothered the top of his head. Garrett jolted away, the smell of must overpowering and a thick powder falling over him. He reached up, hand immediately getting tangled in thick curls, a disgusting oily grit coating his exposed fingers.

“What is this, Basso?” His voice was a low growl, betrayal boiling up into anger. When he tried to look up at his fence, thick white curls blocked his view.

“Just- just let me-” Basso choked on his own words and when his thick fingers brushed away the curls, his cheeks were bright red and his face contorted with barely restrained laughter.

Garrett plucked up one of the long curls in growing disgust. “Basso.”

That was when the man seemed to explode. Garrett almost winced with the force of Basso’s guffaws. “You- you-” He wheezed, struggling to speak and ultimately failing.

“ _Basso_.” Garrett was shaking just as much as the other man was, though for quite the opposite reason.

“You _fell_ for it!” Basso practically shouted through his mirth. “You actually fell for it!”

“What even…” Garrett felt around the hairy, greasy thing on his head, shocked to find it massive, draping over his shoulders and well down his back. It was only then that he knew just what Basso had put on his head.

A massive powdered wig.

Garrett tore it off of his head, flinging the wretched thing as far from him as he could. Unfortunately it did not make it all the way to the hearth. He turned to Basso, prepared to give him the tongue lashing of his life only to find him collapsed on the desk. Wheezing laughter was all the man could manage, banging his fist on the maps with little care that the ink bottle rattled closer to the edge with every pound. Even his hat had fallen to the side, the man a complete disheveled mess. Any talking-down to would be lost upon him so Garrett took a different approach.

“Who put you up to this?”

“It was-” he wheezed, voice barely a squeak as he tried to speak, “It was all me! That _genius_.”

“Madness, more like,” Garrett growled. “There was no job.”

“What hellish clients do you think I have?” Basso fought for breath, struggling to regain his composure. As he finally straightened, tears were streaming down his cheeks. “I found that wig on the street the other day.”

Garrett’s repulsion redoubled, and he suddenly felt the need to scrub his hair with every ounce of soap he had. “Off the street,” Garrett deadpanned.

“And you _fell_ for it!” Another round of guffaws buffeted Garrett. “You should have seen your- hey wait come back!”

“I’m not taking any more jobs from you.”

Basso wiped the tears of mirth from his cheeks. “Not ever?”

“Never again.”

Basso shrugged, still struggling for breath but finally gaining control over his voice. “Alright, see you tomorrow night then.”

Garrett stalked out of the Crippled Burrick, resenting how the corner of his mouth curled upwards.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over the Thief fandom this night, but it was a thing of beauty.


End file.
